The Training Trajectory
by nibbler747
Summary: The guys attend mandatory training at Caltech - with mixed results. Will the training go as planned? Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone! )


Sheldon groaned as he read his latest email. He closed his email program and leaned back on his office chair. This time of year always seemed to come too soon. The same course repeated over and over. It was maddening. He had an eidetic memory…why did he have to keep taking the class annually? It was a complete waste of time.

Leonard popped his head in the door and grinned at Sheldon. "By the look on your face I can see that you've read the latest from HR."

"Mandatory Respectful Workplace and Diversity Training. Again!" Sheldon sputtered. "Every single year. I could give the course, I remember it word for word. _Today we are going to learn how to foster an environment –"_

"-Ooh! I see Sheldon providing the HR course this year" Howard interrupted as him and Raj entered Sheldon's office.

Leonard shuffled his feet. "I know I'm not really looking forward to taking it again. It's getting monotonous, I wish they'd change it up a little bit."

"What are you talking about?" Raj interjected. "It's the best day of the year! They give so much food. Cookies. Scones. Wraps. Those huge cinnamon buns with the gooey centres. Breakfast and lunch! I don't know why you guys are complaining."

Howard rolled his eyes at Raj. "Anyways…What session are you guys going to sign up for? There are four since it's required for all staff and faculty"

"How about we sign up for the first one. Let's get it over with." Sheldon muttered.

"Wednesday morning it is. See you there gentlemen" Howard replied.

 _Wednesday Morning_

The men walked down the hall toward a number of conference rooms. "Are you sure we got the right room. It's been in the other meeting room on the second floor all the other times. I can't smell the food." Raj licked his lips. "I ate lightly last night in preparation for today."

"Listening to you, you would think you never ate. Looking at you will dispel that rumour" Howard laughed as he poked Raj in the stomach.

"Hey! What are you talking about. I'm in good shape. Don't poke my problem areas, you know it makes me insecure." Raj whined.

Howard glanced down at his phone. "Yes, this is the right room. " He gazed at the door for a minute. "I wonder why it's dark in there?"

Sheldon opened the door. "Oh good Lord…" he groaned.

The room was dimly lit with incense and candles lit at various points in the room. Meditation music was playing softly in the background. Instead of chairs there were mats scattered about. The snack table was filled with bottles of water and bowls of kale chips.

A small attractive blonde woman walked up towards them. Her hair was tied up in a bun, and she was wearing a skirt with a black embroidered top and sandals. "Namaste gentlemen. Welcome to the Respectful Workplace and Diversity Training workshop. My name is Bodhi. I will be guiding you on your journey today."

Raj clasped his hands together and slightly bowed at Bodhi. "Namaste Bodhi. The pleasure is all mine. I'm sure you know that your name means Enlightenment. Well I'm sure you will _enlighten_ us today with your knowledge."

Bodhi smiled. "Well aren't you a charmer. Thank-you. I hope I can pass on information that you will all find helpful in your daily lives. " She pointed to the mats around the room. "Please find a mat and make yourselves comfortable."

Howard sneered at Raj. "You are such a suck up." Raj grinned and walked toward a mat across the room.

Sheldon looked around the room worried. "Where is Walter? He usually runs this course. Where are the chairs? The PowerPoint presentation? The food?"

Bodhi smiled and handed Sheldon his name tag. "The Institute contracted the training to my company this year. It's the first year we are providing the training, so I would love your feedback."

"I'm excellent at providing feedback" Sheldon replied quickly.

"Great! As for the chairs, I feel that chairs impede the open communication we are trying to foster. If you want to say something to one of your coworkers, I want you to be able to walk right up to them and create a channel of energy between the two of you." She handed them each a bucket with different coloured beanbags. "This is for later."

Leonard frowned at his bucket and headed off to a mat near Raj, with Sheldon and Howard following behind him. "I know I wanted something different, but this seems a bit too bizarre." He coughed lightly. "The incense is a bit much."

"A bit much? A bit much?" Sheldon complained. "It's like we walked into a hippie commune. I can't believe that Caltech went for this. If she starts talking about the colour of my chakra, I'm out of here."

Raj chuckled. "Come on you guys. I think it will be fun. Plus, I know the three of you could really use this training."

"The three of us? What is that supposed to mean?" Howard whispered.

"Sssh! I think she's about to start." Raj smiled at Bodhi and gave her a small little wave.

Bodhi went to the front of the room. "Good morning everybody. Welcome to Respectful Workplace and Diversity Training. My name is Bodhi, and I'll be guiding you through your journey today. We all want to work in an environment where we feel comfortable and at ease. Often, troubles occur when there is miscommunication between parties. What I have found over the years, is that the offending party is often completely unaware that they have said something offensive. The key is becoming more aware of what we say."

Bodhi picked up the bucket of beanbags in front of her. "We are going to use these beanbags as a tool. If you hear someone saying something sexist, racist, ageist or anything that offends you, I want you to lightly toss a beanbag at them. We can then stop the conversation, and discuss the item that was offensive and how to communicate in a more productive way. I'm going to open dialogue with the group on a variety of different topics. Remember to use your beanbags when you feel there is an issue."

Leonard smiled and turned to Howard. "Oh boy…I can see this getting out of hand quick."

Bodhi looked at her watch and walked over to Sally, a course participant. She put her hand on her shoulder. "Sally, the food is going to be arriving around 11:30 am. Would you be a dear, and help set it up for everyone. You'll only miss twenty minutes of the course."

Sally paused for a second, and then tentatively reached into her bucket. She tossed a beanbag at Bodhi.

"Excellent!" Bodhi exclaimed. "Now, Sally, what did I say that bothered you?"

"Well, it feels like you are singling me out to set up lunch because I'm one of the few women in this course. Also, the way you said "dear" when asking for a favour, didn't really sit well with me."

"What could have I said that would have made the conversation more positive?" Bodhi asked.

Sally thought for a second. "Well you could have addressed the entire class about lunch, and asked if you could get a volunteer to help set up. I probably would have volunteered happily if asked that way."

Bodhi clapped her hands happily. "This is exactly the kind of conversations we need to be having. Thank-you so much Sally. Excellent work. I think we all get the idea now. So I'll launch into our first topic. Diversity. Scholars from around the world have gathered to work here at Caltech. Every day you are exposed to many different cultures and ways of doing things. Would anyone like to share an experience where you felt uncomfortable due to your cultural heritage?"

"Oh Oh! I do" Raj said waving his hand up in the air. Howard shook his head in annoyance.

"Rajesh. Would you like to come to the front of the room and share your story?"

Raj went to the front, and sat cross-legged on the mat at the centre of the room. "My tale of woe begins in a small humble home in India. After struggling to make my way in the world, I came to America only to feel like a stranger in a strange land. I felt excluded, and that people are somewhat afraid to talk to the caramel coloured man they see before them. Perhaps, they don't know how to approach someone who came from nothing, to the success they –"

Raj got whacked in the side with a bean bag.

"He's lying. He knows nothing about poverty. He's the son of a rich doctor, and lived in a mansion with servants. He's just playing the brown card to try to get sympathy. I was raised by a single mother, I know what it's like to be poor." Howard interjected. Howard then got hit by a beanbag.

"You can't say brown card. That's racist!" Raj complained. "I don't think you were exactly poor either..judging from your family's food budget."

Raj got knocked in the head with a beanbag.

"How dare you make comments about my mother's weight. That's cruel." Howard exclaimed. He then dodged a beanbag flying at his head.

"Like you didn't make fun of your mother…ALL THE TIME. Besides, you just poked my stomach the other day and implied I was fat!"

Bodhi got up and stood between Raj and Howard. "Ok you two, this is not exactly what I had in mind with the bean bags. Let's try to learn how to communicate-"

"-None of you were poor. I had to share clothes with my twin SISTER. Believe me, we didn't have much money." Sheldon interrupted.

"Oh wait, are we going to hear how this white Anglo-Saxon protestant male is oppressed? Wait let me get the popcorn and my violin" Raj smirked. He then got hit in the head with a beanbag. "Leonard!" he said stunned as he rubbed the side of his head.

"Sorry buddy, but that's also racist. It's not ok to make fun of people because they are white either." Leonard replied.

"Trust the German to defend the white guy. I bet you wouldn't come to my defense like that" Howard muttered. He then got pelted by a bean bag courtesy of Leonard.

"And trust you to try to make this into some Jew German thing. I can't believe you'd even bring that up! Not everything is about race."

"Well that's easy for you to say isn't it?" Raj interjected. He turned and glared at Howard. "And you Howard..you are just jealous because you are not as successful as the rest of us."

Howard picked up a beanbag and threw it at Raj. "Excuse me? Less successful? In what world? Oh wait….you can't answer that question, because you've never taken a step in another world. And who has..Oh yes..Me!"

Sheldon shuffled on his mat. "Well technically, you haven't really stepped on another planet or world. You've stepped on a man-made ship in space. So in what world doesn't really apply to –"

"Oh, shut up Sheldon! I'm an astronaut. I've been to space. I have my own home. I'm married. I have a baby on the way. I'm by far the most successful one here." Howard then got pelted by three beanbags.

"Oh my God…what is going on. Stop!" Bodhi protested. She looked distressed at the scene that had unfolded before her.

"Bodhi, Howard is saying that he is better than us because he's married, owns his own place and has a child on the way. I think that's a bit elitist don't you. He's saying he's better than the non-married, childless renters. As that describes myself, I find that offensive." Sheldon complained.

"Is Sheldon seriously calling me an elitist? Sheldon?" Howard muttered.

"I agree. It is offensive. All three of us find that offensive." Raj piped in.

"I'm married also" Leonard interjected.

"You're a married man living with a man-child in his apartment. I wouldn't be bragging. Although Sheldon is toilet trained. And the apartment is rent controlled. You both have your doctorates. So really you're ahead of Howard aren't you?" Raj stated and then stuck his tongue out at Howard.

"I am not a man child! I know how to take care of myself, I just choose not to. And it's doctorates, emphasis on the "s". Plural not singular" Sheldon hucked a bean bag at Raj.

"Penny and I are saving up for a down payment. This is only temporary!" Leonard socked Raj with a beanbag.

"Of course one of you had to bring up my lack of having a doctorate. Although I would have put money on it being Sheldon that acts like a tool and not you Raj" Howard sputtered.

"You gentlemen are taking this training on a wild trajectory! This training is not about airing grievances against each other and pelting each other with bean bags. It's about learning how to communicate in a way that is positive and thoughtful" Bodhi implored.

Sheldon gave Bodhi a confused look. "What do you mean…positive? You are basically teaching us negative reinforcement."

Bodhi crossed her arms and looked up at Sheldon. "I can assure you I am doing nothing of the sort. I would never use such a dated teaching method – You see, when I was in an ashram in India –"

"-It very clearly is negative reinforcement" Sheldon interrupted. "If you say something bad, you get hit with a bean bag. Incorrect behaviour is rewarded with a negative stimuli to teach avoidance in the future. It's classic psychology. It's a perfectly acceptable method. I myself have used positive reinforcement in the past on Leonard's wife, using chocolate for good behaviour. It was working nicely until she caught on."

Leonard gave Sheldon an exasperated look and then turned his focus to Bodhi. "After years of listening to my mother, who is a subject matter expert talk about this very topic, and experiencing it first hand, I have to agree with Sheldon. This is negative reinforcement."

Bodhi flushed red with anger. "This is NOT negative reinforcement. I was trying to explain that before I was so rudely interrupted. I am teaching you how to be cognizant of what you are saying. Indian culture has taught us the path to enlightenment -" Bodhi stopped because she was suddenly pelted by a bean bag from Raj.

"I'm sick and tired of people thinking all Indians sit around in ashrams and do yoga all day. There is more to being Indian than what's trendy in the media" Raj ranted.

"Don't worry, nobody is going to mistake you for being enlightened. We don't think you're in ashrams all day, we think you're in call centres. So what…you don't eat monkey brains? " Howard joked while holding his arms in front of his face to protect it from an incoming bean bag.

"Oh yes. Thank-you Indiana Jones for that. I loathe that question. Hello…the majority of the country is vegetarian! Stupid Movie…"

"Indiana Jones is a work of art! How dare you insult it?" Sheldon complained, throwing a bean bag at Raj with vigour.

"How would you like yourself compared to people in the movie _The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virgini_ a? I bet you wouldn't like that at all, would you Sheldon?" He threw a bean bag at Sheldon's head.

Sheldon looked at Raj confused. "I don't get it. I'm from Texas not West Virginia. Why would I relate?"

Leonard looked at Sheldon. "He's basically calling you an inbred redneck."

"Hey!" Sheldon threw another bean bag at Raj.

Howard glared at Leonard. "Oh look who is defending white boy again." He tossed a bean bag at Leonard.

"What is your problem!" Leonard grabbed three bean bags and threw them rapid fire at Howard.

"Stop Stop Stop!" Bodhi yelled. "We are not talking about any of this anymore. You four give me your buckets!" She grabbed the four buckets and dropped them against the wall on the other side of the room with a bang. "You four are doing my head in…" Bodhi took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. She eventually opened them and stared at the class who were all staring at her in an awkward silence.

Sheldon slowly raised his hand.

Bodhi sighed. "Yes Sheldon…this better have nothing to do with the previous discussion."

"Um…well. I was just wondering. How did you get the name Bodhi?"

Bodhi looked around the room. All eyes were watching her closely. It appeared to be a safe question. "Well, on my trip to India, I attended a naming ceremony. We were allowed to pick a name that we felt connected with our inner soul. I chose the name Bodhi. It's a Hindu word meaning –"

"Hindi, not Hindu" Raj interrupted. "Hindi is the language, a Hindu is a follower of the religion Hinduism. God, I hate when people get that wrong."

"And further to that, it's not even a Hindi word, it's a Sanskrit word" Sheldon added. "I was merely wondering because it's a male name."

Raj snickered. "You are right. It is a male name."

Bodhi started to flush red with anger again. "I believe it's a unisex name" she snapped.

"Well the feminine version of Bodhi is Buddhi" Sheldon replied.

Raj started laughing. "It's like me walking into the room, and saying my name is Ranee! The feminine version of Raj is Ranee. Since Raj is a Prince or King, Ranee is the Queen! Wouldn't that be a hoot!"

The guys all started chuckling.

Bodhi stood up quickly. "I've had enough! You are the most frustrating group of people ever!" She grabbed her cell phone and stalked out of the room. She opened her phone and sent a text to her company. _Cancel all future Caltech training. These people are crazy._

People all started whispering to each other in the room. The guys all grabbed a bottle of water and gathered by the bowl of kale chips. They happily started munching away.

"So what do you think of the training?" Howard asked.

"I think we can all agree, best training ever! I hope we get to talk about more fun topics. Sex, religion, politics! I just hope I don't get any bruises." Raj replied with a smile.

"Agreed!" they said in unison, and clinked their water bottles together.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! This was just a silly fun piece. I hope nobody got offended, it was all meant in good fun.**


End file.
